Conversations I've had with people after they find out I majored in English. OR-- A PSA for the pseudo-literary.

CONVERSATION 1:
Sherpa-on-Metro: (After I have dozed off during trek home while reading Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut) Must not be a very interesting book.
Me: (waking up suddenly because he's also kind of a close talker) No, no, it is. Just didn't get much sleep last night.
Sherpa: Vonnegut, huh? Have you read Slaughterhouse-5?
Me: Yes, actually a number of years ago. I loved it, he manages to suffuse an obvious tragedy irreverence and irony without tempering the narrative.
Sherpa: I've never read it. Is Cat's Cradle any good?
Me: Yes it is, I read it originally as part of a class on Eco-fiction.
Sherpa: NPR is also interesting.
Me: This is my stop. Enjoy your weekend.

CONVERSATION #2
Dude-at-work-who-doesn't-look-people-in-the-eye: So what's your degree in?
Me: English Literature
Dude: Do you read Poetry Magazine?
Me: When I can pick it up, but I have to say many of my favorite poets are dead.
Dude: Do you enjoy the modernists?
Me: Actually one of my favorite classes at school was on the British and Irish Modernists
Dude: My favorite is John Updike.
Me: Is he a modernist? (note--I know he is not a modernist. I was trying to be nice. Updike is a modernist only if you extend the definition of modernism to include people who have written since the Modern Era of the English language began...before Shakespeare.)
Dude: Well I mean, he wrote in the 20th century.
Me: That doesn't necessarily make him a modernist, it all depends on his style. Would you call it stream-of-conscience?
Dude: I also like Wallace Stevens
Me: "The Emperor of Ice Cream" is one of my favorite poems. The thing about Stevens was the rich internal life he created as a contrast to his 'real' life.
Dude: So what are your favorite books?
Me: Moby-Dick and Ulysses, the one by Joyce...not Homer.
Dude: I've read some Melville, just not Moby-Dick.
Me: That's a shame, it's far and away his best work. Really the culmination of his particular vision.
Dude: I'm going to the park to eat my sandwich now.

CONVERSATION #3
Any-number-people-I've-discussed-my-collegiate-career-with-since-2004: What are you majoring in again?
Me: English Literature
Rest-of-the-World: Oh, so you want to be a high school teacher then?
Me: Nope, maybe I'll get my doctorate, but I could never teach. I don't especially like children.
Rest-of-the-World: ah, ok...Have you read The Lovely Bones?
Me: (looking down at my imaginary watch) You know, I've really got to run. We'll catch up sometime, ok?