Do they call that irony or foreshadowing?

One time Jimmy and I were in the car in Blacksburg waiting for his brother to get off work and we got into a conversation wherein he told me that it was okay to smack a dog. That certain incidents warranted violence. I think that was about when I decided we weren't going to last much longer.

I have no moment like that to look back on now and think, "Ahh, yes. That was a warning I should have taken to heart." He never even hit a wall when we argued. There was never any indication that he'd take it there. Talking to Micah tonight ( I decided that my brothers should know what happened if only because I'd prefer they have no contact with him ever again and they should know why), he asked if there was any indication when we dated that this might happen and there never was. He said that he thinks the people who can hit a wall when they're mad enough, know not to hit people. That may be true. I have no idea, but then again, I only hit walls.

I suppose what bothers me, even more than anything else, is that he did it when my back was turned. He came up behind me, when I didn't even know he was in the room, didn't even know he was still at the party, and he knocked me over. He shoved me to try and get me to fall down. It would have been better if he'd punched me in the eye. At least then I'd have seen it coming. Instead, he was a coward. Apart from not hitting people (it doesn't even matter that I'm a woman and he's a man. At this point, that doesn't even matter.) A man stands up. If he's going to fight, he does so honorably. He doesn't run up behind someone, knock them over, and then run out of the room. I guess what's most upsetting is finding out how alien this person I thought I knew better than anyone in the world really is. I have no idea who he is or ever was (if this is what he was always capable of.)

There was a moment, when we first spoke that night that I thought, "you know, this isn't so awkward and we can just be friends eventually, if not soon." Not now. He wanted us to be friends. He demanded that I talk and let him see Bagel. He wanted my advice and asked if I could look around for girls who might like him. I would've. I mean the talking and the listening and maybe even the girl-finding. I was not, for reasons that (at the time, now so much now) passed understanding, comfortable with him hanging out with Bagel. Do they call that irony or foreshadowing? None of that's going to happen now. So far, I've been pretty clear that the ending was a 50/50 deal. Yes I walked out, but it was because we wanted different things. He was not inherently bad, he was even good. I just knew that I had to get out before we got any closer to permanent changes. He's killed all those warm, even affectionate feelings. He ruined everything in a split-second. Any hope for a new, different relationship. Any possible chance that we could be friends, even good friends. That's all dead and he killed it. Now he's dead too.

I hope, if I ever see him again, he isn't offended if my face loses all color and I run in the other direction. It's just how I assume I'd behave if I ever saw a ghost.