Trick or oh f' it...

In the time since Kim initially mentioned throwing a Halloween party, I've gone through the following costume ideas (and subsequently--sometimes almost immediately--eliminated each):

1. 1940's pin up--Cute, but not too slutty. More Betty Grable (not pregnant), less Bettie Page. Drawback: can't find a costume that is both affordable and fits my "not a total ho'bag" criterion (yes, I have one requirement.)

2. Gypsy--I have Ghillies (Irish step-dancing shoes that double as footwear of the peasantry), floaty skirts, and flowery hair wreath. Drawback: I look really bad in head scarves and everyone would think I'm supposed to be Esmerelda from the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

3. Belly dancer--See above. Add 8 million ab crunches. Negatory.

4. Can-Can dancer--already have dance strength lined fishnet stockings and character shoes. Get to have befeathered hair and bright red lipstick. Drawback: It's been done to death and I have neither the time nor the equipment (my sewing maching is ka-put) to make a decent looking costume. I would have to make it because the ones at the store are really, really awful. Also, I can't jump into the splits.

5. Lady MacBeth--Nightgowns are easy to find. Drawback: fake blood is exceedingly sticky and would get on everything...not just my hands.

6. Courtney Love--I have red lipstick and slips. I also have fishnets. I just need a tiara, heroin addition, and my dead husband's shadow to stand in forever. Drawback: I do not have a blond wig and or any desire to go get one.

7. Lisa Loeb--"Stay" is quite possibly one of my favorite songs of all time. Drawback: No one will actually know I'm wearing a costume if I just show up in glasses and a dress.

8. Clarissa (Explains It All)--I get to wear the most ridiculous concotion of patterns and colors I can think of...Drawback: no fun make-up (I might as well just stay home) and I could not convince Walt to play Sam. Also see problem with #6.

9. Daria--Could finally make use of my army jacket from The Gap. Drawback: See problem with #7.

10. Dorothy Parker--Finally, an exuse to drink martinis and act superior. Drawback: Definitely an expensive costume. See also problem with #7 and #(this time indistinguishable by action, not costume).

11. Sarah Palin--I have a suit that would suffice. I have red shoes. I can do that to my hair and I own glasses. Drawback: Sarah Palin.

12. Poetry in Motion--Very simple dress, fabric markers, and "Leaves of Grass". Drawback: Even I think that's nerdy.

13. Ballerina--really too easy as I have more leotards than I have pants for work. Drawback: Really not a costume for me. Also, I don't want to wear my ballet shoes ( pointe shoes def. out of the question) all night, they'll get ruined.

14. Sally Bowles-- I have a vest. I just need shorts and a top hat. Drawback: As I no longer am in high school theatre (and surrounded by other theater kids) I don't think anyone would get it. Even if I was wearing green nail polish...Also wig required.

15. My Last Duchess--Pretty dress and a picture frame. Drawback: No one will get it. Ever. Who dresses as a Robert Browning poem for Halloween? Who even considers it?

16. Ishmael--it would just be a name tag. Drawback: See #12 add times a billion.

17. Raver--Same essential appeal as #8. This time I get to wear more glitter. Drawback: I've never actually been to a rave so my only real experience with one amounts to a couple late night showings of Go and a very special episode of Dawson's Creek where the blonde girl not played by Michelle Williams takes some E and wants to pet everyone.

18. Marla Singer: I can probably find a thirft store dress that qualifies and can scrounge up a nametag. Drawback: I don't want to spend the entire night telling people I want to have their abortion.

19. Molly Bloom: Find nightgown. Put just a little bit of blood on the front. Talk about Gibralter. Drawback: People will presume I'm Linda Blair in the Exorist and not pay any attention to the Gibralter bit.

20. Flutterby--like a butterfly if it went to a rave. Drawback: See #17.

Right now, I'm leaning toward Katy Perry. I'll have a new idea tomorrow but I already bought falsh eyelashes so I'm wearing them, dammit.