This year, I know better.

I'm not much for resolutions. I make them every year but lack follow through. Previously, this has not been much of a problem since I didn't keep a record of said promises to myself. Unfortunately, last year I wrote them down here:

1. Institute actual workout regime.
I go to the gym, run a little, stretch, dick around on machines and then leave. Yes I have lost some weight and toned up some but I've no earthly idea what I'm doing. This also may include taking a couple dance classes.

Have I done this? I do go to the gym. I spend less time on the machines and more time on the floor or in the weight area. I read articles and books on fitness and nutrition. I did start (and have continued) to take a hip-hop class once a week. Granted, I have also (because I keep a record of this as well) gained back almost half the weight I lost after college. Some of that though(maybe 5 pounds?) was break-up weight from Walt. I can't eat when I'm upset and I was upset a lot back then. I'm calling this a win.

2. Write more. I'm legitimately worried that I've become the woman in Raymond Chandler's "Cathedral" who only sits down to write a poem every two or three years when shit gets inexplicably real. I have both a copy of the 2009 Poet's Market and a Magnetic Poetry calender. Also two Moleskines and a pen at the ready. And shit has recently become increasingly tangible. I have no substantive excuse.

I am the woman from "Cathedral". Despite my Moleskines.

3. Become the kind of woman who can pull off red lipstick and Chanel No.5 without seeming like a possibly trashy septuagenarian.

I gave up the Chanel. It never really felt like me. Now I wear $10 lavender body spray and it smells like me. It also gets more compliments than the Chanel ever did. I can pull off red lipstick though.  I get a half point for this.

4. Be irrepressibly scholarly. I'd like to be able to discuss the post-structuralists on a substantive level (not just ending a pithy comments about what deconstruction isn't.)

I quit school. But last week I did fistbump my drunk co-worker over our shared love of Michel Foucault. I can quit school but I'll always have power structures. 

5. Only buy clothing that makes me want to dance. This applies to gym clothes, fun clothes, going out clothes, ladies nights regalia, work attire, shoes, etc., etc., etc... This will cut down on the money I actually spend on clothing and hopefully also eliminate last minute wardrobe disasters.

I do this. It has not eliminated last minute wardrobe crises or reduced the amount of money I spend on anything. Turns out, a lot of things make me want to dance.

6. Travel abroad at least once. I have a passport that is stampless and pathetic. It could do with some sprucing up.

Still stampless. Maybe next year? Even just Canada? 

7. Do well at Mason.

See 4.

8. Save money for a spiffy new computer.

Win!

9. Develop charming idiosyncrasies that amuse people at parties.

Fail? How is this even something one can accomplish?

10. Generally carry myself like a brave, little toaster. 

Working on it. This one's harder than I thought it would be. 

11. Find the perfect little black dress. I do not own a little (or big for that matter) black dress. This is a travesty and must be remedied.

I own 4 black dresses. None of them are perfect.

12. Get organized. My bookshelf is in disarray and my closet is full of clothing that goes unworn. It's giving me hives.

I'm about to move out and into a place with a big closet and more wiggle room. I'll require bookshelves but this is an accomplishable feat. 

13. Be admired from afar (this does not preclude the possibility of affairs with solvent but lonely gentleman who love me for my mind and lavish me with fancy shoes and Amethyst rings). I have too much stuff on this list (and far too much ambition) to worry about menfolk.

You know what? Being admired from afar sucks. I'm pretty good at being alone. I can grab things on the top shelf and open most jars. I don't miss having a boyfriend in a way that just anyone will do. If that were the case, I'd still be with Walt. Or Jimmy before him. I miss knowing that someone's got my back whether that means telling me that I've got everything under control when I don't feel like I do or just giving it a good rubdown after I dig my car out from 2 feet of snow. I don't want to be admired or adored  or idolized. I just want a dude who gets me. Until, I will handle that salsa myself, thank you.


I'm not making any resolutions this year. I'm in decent shape and have the motivation to stay that way. Writing will be an outlet or it won't. Dudes will come into my life and leave it just the same as it was before. Plus, I got that lipstick thing down.