About a week before I left for the beach, I slinked into the Borders on 14th and F and did something I promised I never would. I marched right over to the large display in the center of the main level and picked up a copy of Twilight. I don't know quite what possessed me to do it. I'd rented the movie, and after watching it, asked my boss (who had previously admitted to reading part of the series but not finishing it because of the inanity of the writing) about various plot points and how they were expanded on in the book. This related mostly to vampire lore and the shapeshifter/werewolf Quileute mythology (which is apparently accurate. The "Cold Ones" legend is made up but writers make up mythology all the time to suit their purposes.)
I didn't take the book to the beach with me. Mostly because my mom might see me reading it and she's terrible about keeping her mouth shut. Also, I had a paper to finish and, on the off chance that the text was at all engaging, I elected that crunch-time was not the time to start it. But I wanted to know what the big deal was.
It was pretty slow goings at first. Meyer's fatal flaw is an inability to edit. Too many attempts at rhetorical flourish that fall flat. You see it a lot in beginning creative writers. Even more experienced ones really. Constructions that show a clear effort but get confused in an attempt at brilliance or epiphany. I know what it looks like because I've done it. I still do it. You think that every thing have to have meaning, metaphor, and really big words. Every writer could learn something from Hemingway.
Having said that, I read about 250 pages one night (mostly because I kept imagining Robert Pattinson. Really, I don't think anyone could blame me.) I get why it appeals to 15 year-old girls. Edward Cullen has the same qualities as Mr. Darcy or Mr. Rochester and how many of us have fallen in love with those two grouchy, mercurial dickbags? He's also more dangerous than them (well, maybe not Rochester.) Vampires appeal to women. Especially young women. They're sexually ravenous, eternally youthful, usually gorgeous, and completely obsessed with having you. It's not particularly Women's Lib-y of me, but women want to be consumed now and again. We want to be taken. The male vampire is that desire made literal. He's also the starring character in a cautionary tale about keeping your legs crossed and not talking to strangers. Again, if the stranger looks like Robert Pattinson, I'm pretty sure you're screwed one way or the other. Granted, Meyer's male lead is relatively cautious with the smooches but he has a soul of sorts and is trying to come to grips with the limitations of his own self-control.
I don't regret reading it but will probably just take the others out of the library instead. I also wish I had answered the imaginary craigslist ad, "Mormon writer seeks editor for YA story about teen vampires."
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I haven't read it yet, but I can only imagine the uncontrollable gagging that would result as a reaction to her poor sentence structure and lack of editing. Saw the movie though. It was a big steamy turd until they actually started doing vampire shit like fighting and killing people (and by people I mean ONE other vampire). It's like the pussy benchwarmer of vampire folklore.
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