At least I got a chunk of my Christmas shopping done...

Tonight I inadvertently helped a guy in line at Urban Outfitters behave like a complete asshat to some unsuspecting girl via text message. He and his friend were debating the merits of calling her "buddy" vs. calling her "pal". Which one would piss her off more, the one asked of the other. Before I could stop myself, I said, "Pal. Pal is much dickier." The guy (he wasn't a man, they take their hats off indoors) looked back at me, smiled, and said, "you're right. See, we do put thought into these," gesturing to the small phone in his hand. To wit, I smirked and replied, "it's the thought that disturbs me."

Given how my week has gone, it only makes sense that this is how I pay it forward. The girl on the other end of that phone, for reasons passing understanding, wants that guy. It's possible that she's crazy or can't take a hint. I've seen a fair amount of both from the fairer sex. It's also possible that she's just a nice girl who has the misfortune of being attracted to an unforgivable douche. I've been on her end a couple times. I don't even want to think about how many time I've coached my guy friends in the fine art of being a complete dick to someone who probably could do better anyway because there was enough distance between me and her that I could find humor in the situation and, Jesus Christ, at least it wasn't me on the receiving end.

Then again, was my alternative (apart from just keeping my mouth shut--a skill I doubt I'll ever acquire) to tell off Fratty McBaseballcap and his rotund line buddy? No. The most I might have mustered would have been an audible scoff and exaggerated eye roll. And it is entirely possible that this girl is one of the poor unfortunates who never get it until it's just too late. I've been there too. If he doesn't like her, she should know it. Maybe not like that, he runs the risk of her finding the platonic familiarity endearing. But that's a risk I'm willing to let him take.

I genuinely want to apologize to that girl for my part in this. I did immediately regret saying anything at all. I don't know how to absolve myself of this sin against the sisterhood. Then again, I might have inadvertently done her a favor...

Adventures in forced interaction

REENACTMENT OF AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION AT LAST NIGHT'S DELIOUSLY AWKWARD NO DOUBT CONCERT:

Ex-Boyfriend: I should take one of those flyers since I used to have to do that job. Oh well.

Me: Yeah, I used to have to be the person who took pictures of you doing that job.

Ex: Hey you got shows out of it. John Mayer?

Me: And Brett Dennon.

Ex: Yeah, how do you like that in your face?*

*this is an approximation of what he said, it did involve "in your face" I just can't remember the exact wording

Me: Actually, I would like John Mayer in my face. That would be quite nice.

Ex: [scowl].

Me: Ha, see what I did there, I turned it around on you. [dances to lighten mood] See that? It's my turned-it-around-on-you dance.
(editor's note: was the dancing excessive? Yes, probably. Was the other dance I had to do to avoid the turned over trashcan while doing my intended dance hilarious? Yes, I believe, enough to make up for the preceding.)
Ex: [scowl].

The concert last night was fantastic and lent an ironic level of hilarity when forced to sing along to No Doubt next to my ex-boyfriend. Then again, Gwen and Tony do that every night.